


Whatever Made You What You Are – I Blame You

by godamnarmsrace



Series: My Tumblr Ask Love Reply Fics [12]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron is pissed off, Aaron works it out, Angst with a Happy Ending, But What If?, Consent Issues, Emmerdale - Freeform, Husbands, In this she does want Robert and she wants to get rid of Aaron, M/M, Mentions ONS, Mentions Rebecca White - Freeform, Mentions the ONS, Post ONS Storyline, Pretty sure that's canon lol, Rebecca is a liar liar pants on fire, Robert and Aaron love each other, Somewhat Anti Rebecca, post 25.05.2017 episode, post 26.05.2017 episode, robron - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 18:05:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11167197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godamnarmsrace/pseuds/godamnarmsrace
Summary: He knew one thing without a doubt. Rebecca was a liar. She might not realise it, but she was definitely lying to Aaron and if she wasn’t aware, then she was lying to herself as well.Because she could swear it till she ran out of sound to utter the words, but she wanted Robert and she wanted Aaron out of the way. Of this he had no doubt.Resolve strengthened his will, one thing in this mess was clearer than it ever had been. Robert Sugden loved him and Aaron would not question it again.Every step, a tattoo of facts that swirled inside his head – Robert saying he didn’t remember what happened, Robert passing out, Rebecca being so sure that her baby was Robert’s even when she’d been letting Ross chase and catch her all around the village.He needed more fact and less fiction, the only problem was he wasn’t going to get it from her and he feared that Robert didn’t actually know.





	Whatever Made You What You Are – I Blame You

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'I Blame You by 10 Years
> 
> Edited by the lovely [@blueswinseverytime](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluewinseverytime/pseuds/Bluewinseverytime) thanks Matty darling. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> Written for a lovely anon who wanted Aaron to figure our that Rebecca was lying.

Her evil words had twisted inside Aaron all the way back to the Mill, and the wound of Robert’s betrayal was reopened, fresh and bleeding.

Aaron knew she was wrong about them. Knew that the only person Robert had ever been true with was him. Yet, still her words picked him apart, slipping under his skin. They pulled on threads of doubt, that had been woven back when he was the one sneaking around with someone else’s husband.

Fate, karma, or just dumb luck, whatever had brought him here, wouldn’t be changed. Robert had got Aaron through some of the darkest times of his life and every step taken had been supported and surrounded with love.

And still her words itched and tingled.

He tried to shake them off with each step closer to home and each step away from the horror that was her presence.

He knew one thing without a doubt. Rebecca was a liar. She might not realise it, but she was definitely lying to Aaron and if she wasn’t aware, then she was lying to herself as well.

Because she could swear it till she ran out of sound to utter the words, but she wanted Robert and she wanted Aaron out of the way. Of this he had no doubt.

Resolve strengthened his will, one thing in this mess was clearer than it ever had been. Robert Sugden loved him and Aaron would not question it again.

Every step, a tattoo of facts that swirled inside his head – Robert saying he didn’t remember what happened, Robert passing out, Rebecca being so sure that her baby was Robert’s even when she’d been letting Ross chase and catch her all around the village.

He needed more fact and less fiction, the only problem was he wasn’t going to get it from her and he feared that Robert didn’t actually know.

Slamming into the Mill, Aaron found Robert sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked up at the fury of sound Aaron made with his arrival.

“Aaron!” he said coming to his feet.

Aaron held up his hand to silence Robert and watched as all hope drained from his face.

“Nothing’s changed Robert, I just want to ask you some questions about that night,” Aaron pressed.

“Aaron, no…I can’t…I don’t want to. We’ve already been over this. What difference does any of it make now? I cheated. I fucked up. I hurt you, hurt us. I can’t fix it or go back and undo it,” Robert argued, sitting back down on the couch.

“Did you?” Aaron asked not so sure anymore, little things that both Robert and Rebecca had both said chipping away at what Aaron thought he knew. “Are you sure?”

“Aaron? What?” Robert dragged a hand down his face, he looked up at Aaron and said, “You know I did. It happened. I’m sorry, god, I’m so sorry.”

“Did you though? Do you actually remember because you said you passed out? Vic said something about a whole bottle of Whisky. I know you’re good Robert, but even you’re not that good. This isn’t wishful thinking on my part, this is a legitimate question. Do you actually remember having…?” Aaron swallowed and cleared his throat before continuing, the words sticking in his mouth now. “What’s the last thing you remember before you passed out?”

The look on Robert’s face would haunt Aaron later, he felt it in his chest when Robert opened and shut his mouth a few times.

“I remember talking to her. I remember convincing her I wanted her and I remember thinking when she accepted it, how easy it was. How uncomplicated she was. I remember kissing her and feeling like I was dying because she wasn’t complicated and because she wasn’t you. I remember taking our clothes off and then I remember waking up alone, but it happened Aaron. Just because I was too drunk to remember it doesn’t mean anything,” Robert’s voice broke and something shifted inside of Aaron’s chest, a piece of anger moving to make space for the pity and horror that warred to replace it.

“Robert, either she’s lying and nothing happened or you passed out and she fucked you without you being conscious for it. Either way, you need to know. I need to know,” Aaron argued.

“What if I don’t want to know?” Robert asked, his voice low and broken.

“Fuck! Robert, I’m sorry. You’re right it doesn’t matter. If you don’t want to know we don’t need to know. But this isn’t black and white anymore, you get that right? This baby, if there is even a baby, it might not be yours Robert,” Aarons said, just realising what he’d suggested to Robert.

Robert wrapped his arms around himself and rocked gently, “She told me it was mine. That we didn’t use protection. I went and got tested after Aaron. I didn’t want to risk you.”

Aaron crossed to where his husband was coming apart in front of him and curled his body around Robert’s. He shuddered in Aaron’s arms, clinging.

Aaron hated that he’d done this to Robert bought up something that might have been better buried. His own experience ate at him. Would he rather have slept through the act of his father violating him never to know any better? His shudders added to Robert’s, just at thought of it. It some ways it might be worse, the never knowing. Always wondering if you were going mad to be thinking it.  God, he hoped Robert had just passed out and she left but now the theory was out there, Aaron didn’t know how to get the cat back in the bag, so to speak. He didn’t know how they could ever know what really happened.

She wasn’t just going to come out and tell them, was she?

Was this punishment then? Did she want to hurt Robert or was this about getting Aaron out of the way? Was she trying to clear a path to his husband? Strip him of his family? Of Aaron? Did she think that would work?

She didn’t know Robert very well if she did. Nor him.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said pressing kisses on Robert’s face. “I’m here. I’m sorry.”

“She…why would she lie? No, I did it. I made her,” Robert said his face pressed tight in against Aaron’s neck.

“Oh, Robert. I don’t think you did,” Aaron whispered, unsure whether he should let it go or not, hating that Robert might be punishing himself for something that was maybe done to him.

“I wanted it. I wanted to hurt you. I would have…I would have…” Robert’s breath hitched and caught, then there was nothing and Aaron knew how that felt. How bereft it was to be struggling against nothing but yourself and your fears. A panic attack.

“Breathe Robert, just breathe. I’ve got you. I’m not letting go no matter what, okay? I got you,” Aaron knew his words were so inadequate.

Deep billowing gusts of air punched themselves out of Robert’s chest and Aaron felt each one as if he was dragging them out one by one.

Robert pushed at Aaron, forcing him back and away, he got up off the couch and started pacing back and forth across the living room, broken bursts of air still fighting their way out of Robert with each step he took.

“Why? If she’s lying, why? Because of last time?” Robert seemed to be asking himself rather than Aaron. It was like he forgot Aaron was even there.

“What happened last time? Did you see a scan? Or a test? Anything?” Aaron asked starting to get a sick feeling of retrograde déjà vu.

“What?” Robert asked, stopping to look at Aaron.

“Last time did you have any proof of the baby or the abortion for that matter?” Aaron repeated.

“I…no she told me and I freaked, it was going to wreck everything. I told her to get rid of it. Told her a line that it wasn’t the right time for us,” Robert laughs, a hollow sound, that shatters like glass at the end. “Aren’t you proud of the man you married?”

“Robert, I beat the crap out of Paddy because I couldn’t stand to hear him mention the word gay near me. We both have skeletons and some we even share. I don’t need to know everything about back then because that isn’t my husband. My husband, is the kind of man who looks after two kids who aren’t his while his husband is prison, he’s the kind of guy who can’t sleep in our bed without me, and who holds me when nightmares threaten to tear me apart, that's my husband.” Aaron held his hand out to Robert.

Robert looked at Aaron’s outstretched hand for a moment before place his own in it. Aaron gave him a little tug pulling Robert back into his orbit again, feeling more grounded straight away.

“I have no way of proving anything, Robert, but I think she might have been lying back then, to force you to choose her. I can’t help but think she might be trying to do the same thing here. I think she was expecting you not to tell me, for me to find out on my own, to make you leave me. But she underestimated us, Robert. If death, bullets and my mum couldn’t separate us, make us stop loving one another, she never had a chance. It will always be you for me, Robert. Always,” Aaron said stroking his finger over Robert’s wedding ring. “My heart might be battered and bruised but it beats strong for you.”

Robert shook his head and his forehead wrinkled in a frown. “I’m never going to deserve you, Aaron.”

“God you’re an idiot! I fucking love you, there is no ‘deserve’, just what we need. And I need you Robert Jacob Sugden. I need you Mr Dingle,” Aaron vowed pressing their lips together.

“And what are we going to do about Rebecca?” Robert asked, breaking their kiss, nuzzling into the side of Aaron’s face, their hands still entangled.

“What we should have done in the first place, we ask for a DNA test and watch to see if she unravels,” Aaron supplied, hoping it would be enough to see her fall apart.

“And if it’s mine? If you’re wrong?” Robert couldn’t help but pick.

“The we need to decide what we want to do as a family,” Aaron said, tilting Robert’s face towards him and fitting his mouth over Robert’s again.

There was so much being said with their lips even though no words were passed, promises and forgiveness, a second, third and fourth chance, and comfort and reassurance that this, them together was real and now.

Panting Robert pressed each word into Aaron’s lips, “Can we go up to bed? I want to hold you… I want you to hold me.”

Aaron felt another layer peel off his husband, this softer side, he revelled in it, it was more than he’d ever hoped for and all that he could need. It wasn’t something he ever thought to get from cocky Robert Sugden, but his husband had scars that needed tending too. It was about time they started, because Robert couldn’t always be the strong one and Aaron loved his husband, he wanted him happy and healthy and around until he was at least eighty and even then, Aaron wasn’t sure it would be enough time. He wasn’t sure they’d ever get enough and that was where Rebecca had gone wrong.

Because Aaron would never give up on Robert and he would always see the good that no one else did because Robert let him inside, he let him see.


End file.
